Express Your Way: 4 Forms of Creative Grief Expression
If you’ve experienced a loss, chances are you’re walking and honoring a grief journey. Along this voyage, you’ve probably discovered that everyone experiences and navigates grief differently; all our journeys are unique. From the type of loss (read There’s More Than One Type of Loss/Grief? to learn about the variety of losses and grief that can be experienced) to the way in which the grief manifests, we all walk the path of grief differently.
Knowing this, why would we expect ourselves to engage in the same forms of grief expression to help us grow around our grief?And yet, we do. Have you ever heard comments on what you “should” be doing in your grief journey? Often times, this can send you into a comparison trap (listen to my podcast episode “It Could’ve Been A Lot Better” for more on encountering comparison while grieving); believing there is a right and wrong way to grieve.
Creative Grief Expression
In case you haven’t heard, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Yay! This is a good thing right?! My hope for you knowing that there is no right or wrong way to grieve is that it leaves you feeling free to walk this grief journey in a way that makes sense to you. However, I understand that can also feel overwhelming. “You mean to tell me there’s no handbook for grief?”
No. But there are many different approaches to grief that allows anyone and everyone to grieve in a way that feels true to them. An example of these different approaches is creative expression. Before we go into the different ways to creatively express grief, I want to first talk about what creative expression is and how it can benefit your grief journey.
What IS Creative Grief Expression?
Creative expression creates a platform for the “unspoken sorrow” of grief. It allows you to tap into the mourning aspect of the grief journey; which is that external/outward expression (not sure about the difference between grieving and mourning? View my YouTube video So You’re Grieving but Are You Mourning? to learn about applying the difference to your journey).
So this is great and all but why do it? Great question! Here are a few benefits of engaging in creative expression:
It allows you to put words to an experience or an emotion that you wouldn’t otherwise know how to describe or express
It encourages meaning making and continued bonds (view my YouTube video Looking Behind The Grief Work Curtain to learn more about meaning making and continued bonds)
It evokes emotion in others allowing them to better understand your experience (if you’re supporting someone who is grieving, I invite you to listen to my podcast episode Grief Wishes: 5 Grief Truths Those Who Are Grieving Wish You Knew); encouraging more effective support within your grieving process (for establishing healthy support while grieving read Supporting Those Who Are Grieving or listen to “Find Your Tribe” In Grief.)
While there is great benefit in creative expression there are times in which this approach could be risky; causing more harm than good. Creative expression may be risky if:
You have unprocessed trauma attached to your grief (view The Ugly In Grief: Moving Towards the Scary Parts of Grief to learn how you may address trauma attached to grief)
There’s a lack of ability to properly regulate emotions or,
If you have a tendency to dissociate
If these are present for you, that doesn’t mean you should avoid creative expression. It simply means there needs to be some caution when approaching/engaging in this form of expression. If you find it triggering or makes situations worse, pause what you are doing and reach out to a professional (you’re welcome to schedule a free 30 minute consultation to explore how I may guide you through those triggers). ***Something to remember! The risks listed above may not be present for you but you still find creative expression doesn’t align with your process and what feels true to your grief journey. Listen to that just as much as you would a trigger!
Different Forms of Creative Expression
Now let’s get to the good part; the different ways we can engage in creative expression! I’ll break down and provide examples for each of the following forms:
Written Word
Arts & Crafts
Music & Movement
Externalization
Creative Expression: Written Word
Written word is great for those who have a hard time with spoken word. The most common form of written word I encourage clients to engage in, and I will invite you to do as well is letter writing. This can be a letter to yourself (whether it’s to your past, present, or future self), a letter to your loved one, or you may find you want to do both. In this letter (or letters) you may have certain things you want to share with your past, present, or future self. You may have questions you want to ask your loved one that you never found answers around. Or it could be wishes for your loved one. If you were to write a letter, who would you write to? And what would you say?
Other popular forms of written word are:
Poems
Writing a book (memoir, educational, self-help, inspirational, etc.)
Journaling (journal prompts, stream of consciousness, recalling on stories/memories, etc.)
Creative Expression: Arts & Crafts
For my artsy readers, you may find that creating a drawing or painting is a great way for you to express your grief. You may want to create a drawing/painting that depicts how you experience grief or it may be one that reflects your loved one and who they were and what they meant to you. Other ways you might express grief through arts & crafts are through:
Pottery/Ceramics
Abstract Art
Scrapbooking
Personal Item Quilting
Memory Display
The image to your left was my form of creative expression when we lost my childhood dog back in 2012. Boojeeo was my little buddy and quite the companion for my mom during a really hard time (to hear the full story of Boojeoo and the impact of her loss, listen to Pet Loss, Grief & Lessons Learned). When she died, I wanted to find a way to keep her memory alive; I did that through the blanket pictured to the left. It captures everything Boojeoo was; including how we saw her. This now hangs on the wall of my mom’s home office where she sees her every day.
Creative Expression: Music & Movement
For those of you who resonate more with music and movement, you may find this is the avenue through which you express your grief. A popular musical outlet for grief is for individuals to create a playlist of songs that either represent your person (or relationship with that person) or that remind you of your person/relationship. If you were to create a playlist, what songs would be on that playlist? You may also find you’d rather write a song in honor or memory of your deceased loved one.
Dance (whether creating your own or putting your all into your favorite dance number) is also another great way to express grief when words just won’t cut it (or aren’t accessible).
Creative Expression: Externalization
Externalization is a common technique used in the therapy world that allows clients to separate from whatever obstacle their navigating. For the purpose of this blog, I will speak to externalization in regards to grief however, it can be used for any sort of mental health battle. Externalization is the process in which you make grief its own entity.
Why do this? It allows for:
You to separate your identify from grief’s identity (watch Reclaim Your Independence: There’s Grief & Then There’s You! to learn how separating from grief could benefit one’s journey)
Grief to become more tangible
You to gain a sense of control within your grief journey
Steps To Externalize Grief
So how do we achieve the benefits listed above? Follow these 4 simple steps:
Step #1: Describe Your Grief
What is the grief’s mannerisms?
How does it sound?
What’s it’s size?
How does it look?
Step #2: Name/Title The Grief
How do you want to refer to grief when talking about it?
Step #3: Identify Grief’s Manifestation
How does it show up? (i.e suddenly, quietly, sneaky, etc.)
Step #4: Identify Grief’s Influence/Impact
What does grief do once it’s present?
How Do you Creatively Express Grief?
Now that you know:
What creative expression is,
Why it’s used and its benefits to a grief journey and
Have different ideas of how to creatively express grief
I’m curious, how will you incorporate this into your grief journey (if at all)? Have you already used some of the forms discussed above? Are you currently using any of the techniques above? Are there any you want to try? I’d love to hear from you and what you’re trying!
If you’re looking for more guidance on how creative expression works within your grief journey, I invite you to schedule your FREE 30 minute consultation with me to explore how I will guide you through your own process with creative expression.
Remember, it doesn’t matter how you express your grief, as long as you do! Here’s to your grief and mourning journey! And…
Here’s to living a better life as your best self.
Brittany Squillace, MA, LMFT
Grief Therapist/Counselor
