4 Tips to Effectively “Check In On Your Loved Ones”.
Happy September! By the time you are reading this you have probably already closed out the summer activities and began a new school year. You may be excited for the cooler temps, fall colors, and pumpkin spice everything! Or you may find that you struggle with the transition of seasons and all that it carries.
Over the last few years, it appears that September has started to be viewed as the new year in which people are searching for a fresh start and new beginnings. In the new year, some may feel hopeful and excited for what could potentially lie ahead. While others may feel overwhelmed and uncertain about what’s to come. The fall carries a similar experience. For those who find this time of year particularly more challenging, they experience something I’ve labeled as the Fall Effect (i.e. it’s not uncommon to struggle with changes in seasons; typically due to the influence it can have on mental health. The Fall Effect talks about this influence, as well as ways to reduce mental health influences and/or cope with the effects of the seasonal change(s)).
Why Is It Important To Check In?
Whether you struggle with seasonal transitions (or not) or battle anxiety, depression, and/or various life transitions (such as grief) throughout the year, loved ones checking in on you and your well-being contributes to your ability to effectively manage stressors and symptoms. A few positive effects check ins can have on your mental health are:
Increased sense of security: when you are receiving positive and healthy communication from family members and friends, you are likely to feel more secure. When there’s a higher sense of security, you are more likely to face obstacles and hardships.
Increased support: check-ins are a form of support and when we’re receiving support, feelings of isolation can be reduced
Decrease stigmatization: while our society is improving its perception towards mental health, stigma is still present when it comes to mental health battles. Research suggests, when social support is received during a time of facing challenging mental health illness, any perceived stigma that the individual carries around their mental health battle(s) may be reduced; allowing them to challenge possible beliefs or fears of being rejected or devalued due to mental illness.
Checking In: What It means & How to do it
We’ve all heard it right? “Check in on your loved ones” is a common phrase that’s uttered when we become aware of hardships; particularly, when those hardships are universal. However, are you able to identify what checking in means? Or do you hear it and think, “Well sure! That’s a nice idea but what does that look like?”
If you experience these obstacles, that is okay! You are not alone! Let’s talk about the top four ways in which you can effectively check in on your loved ones:
Ask: at its simplest form, you can asked your loved ones straight up “how are you doing?” You might also choose to be a bit more specific and say something along the lines of “Just checking in. How has anxiety/depression/grief (insert whatever their battle may be) been for you this week?”
***Tip: when asking about the particular battle, ask about it as if it were it’s own entity. Rather than saying “how has YOUR depression been this week”, remove your and just ask about depression. This helps remove the illness from who they are as a person.
Comfort: there may be times when a question isn't needed and a comforting statement may be more appropriate. Comforting statements such as: “While you are going through a tough time right now, know that you are not alone. I am here for you!” or “I know this is a hard time for you. Remember, you are cared for and loved.”
***Disclaimer: these are very generic examples! You know the person you are supporting and the communication style that works best for them and your relationship. Please take that into consideration when offering a comforting statement.
SEE them and their battle(s): this refers to the idea that rather than asking what they need, you provide a specific offer based on what you’ve observed may be lacking or possible needs you’ve heard them previously communicate are not being met.
Follow up: regardless if you’re utilizing one or all three of the above approaches, follow up is KEY when supporting your loved ones! If you communicate “I’m here for you” or suggest a specific offer to help out, it’s important to make sure your actions are following your words!
***Tip: to ensure actions are following your words, determine the level of support you are able to commit to first. This will allow you to avoid depleting your energy, while also leaving your loved one feeling as though they are receiving adequate support.
We all want to provide support when we can. However, it’s not uncommon for the obstacle of uncertainty around the best way to do so to prevent us from following through. I encourage you to utilize this resources to begin building the foundation for how you can best support your loved ones.
If you are stuck and want further guidance on supporting your loved ones, or you are looking for more professional guidance as you work towards better managing mental health battles, click below to schedule your FREE 15 minute consultation.
Here's to living a better life as your best self.
Brittany Squillace, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Grief Counselor
References:
Electronic Physicians (2017). The Correlation of Social Support with Mental Health: A Meta-Analysis. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5633215/
Social Science & Medicine (2006). Social Support Modifies Perceived Stigmatization in the First Years of Mental Illness: A Longitudinal Approach. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0277953605002492
