Overthinking: Steps to Regain Control of Your Thoughts
Replaying social interactions. Questioning whether or not what you said came off the wrong way. Questioning whether you said too much or not enough. Worrying about how the future will turn out. These are just a few examples of what overthinking can sound like and while overthinking only keeps you stuck and feeds into (or can create) anxiety and depression, you still find yourself falling into its trap; leaving you feeling overwhelmed and helpless.
I recently experienced a big miscommunication and misunderstanding within an important friendship of mine. I, what felt like immediately, spiraled into a pattern of overthinking. For weeks, I was overwhelmed by my thoughts, consumed by guilt and felt helpless. I wanted nothing more than to free myself from the chains of overthinking. If you’ve ever fell into the overthinking trap, I’m willing to bet you’ve had similar battles. In attempt to help remove (or avoid all together) a sense of helplessness, I bring this blog article to you.
Origin of Overthinking
So where does overthinking stem from and why does it occur?
There are two main types of thought patterns that contribute to overthinking: rumination and worrying. Rumination occurs when you replay events or interactions from the past. Whereas worrying occurs when your thinking fixates on what may or may not happen in the future. Rumination is filled with why questions (i.e. “why did I do that?” or “why did I say that?”) and wishing you had navigated the situation differently. Worrying is filled with “what if” questions and putting energy into an outcome that has yet to (or may never) occur. These thought patterns only create distress and lack direction on how to move forward. If that’s the case, why do some carry a tendency to resort to overthinking?
Without falling into an overthinking cycle (by no means am I here to create a resource that encourages you to fall into an ineffective thought pattern), identify the last situation or event that caused you to overthink. When looking back, do you believe you had a good sense of control over the situation? If not, how did you handle feeling as though you were lacking control?
It is not uncommon for humans to overthink situations in attempts to regain control. Unfortunately, while it may present as and make you believe it’s a coping skill, overthinking only creates and/or increases anxiety and depression.
Interrupting the overthinking cycle
You’ve spiraled into an overthinking frenzy, what do you do?
Label: identify and label that fact that overthinking is occurring. If you have to, say it aloud; “I am overthinking.”
Accept: once you’ve recognized and identified you’re in the middle of overthinking, accept that fact. Refrain from shaming yourself. You are human; it is okay! Recognize it, accept it and work towards challenging it.
Regulate: often times, when you’re overthinking, not only is your mind racing but your nervous system is also disregulated. Attempt deep breathing, guided meditation, or grounding techniques to regulate your nervous system.
Challenge: once your nervous system is a bit more regulated and your thoughts have slowed, you may now have the ability to begin challenging your overthinking. One of the best ways to do this is through identifying alternative ways to think about the situation that occurred. Reframes are also a great tool!
Regain Control: now that you have thought about the situation through a different lens, identify which pieces are within your control. Of the pieces within your control, what do you have the power to change?
It is natural to desire reevaluating your past interactions and conversations; it can be a great assessment tool to encourage improvement. However, it can also keep you from growing and being your best self when assessment/reevaluation turns into overthinking, rumination and worry. I invite you, when needed, to take the steps identified above to help you regain control of your thoughts. And remember to be patient and give yourself grace.
Here’s to living a better life as your best self.
Brittany Squillace, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Grief Therapist
