How to SEE Those You Are Supporting: An Acronym for Effective mental Health Support
“Let me know how I can support you.”
“If there’s anything you need, don’t hesitate to reach out.”
“I’m here for you if you need help with anything.”
While these comments are well intentioned and good in nature (to learn more about some of the biggest obstacles to providing effective support, I invite you to watch my Exposing Grief YouTube Channel video Obstacles to Effective Support: Overcome the Top 3), it can leave someone who is going through a tough time (whether that be grieving the loss of a loved one or navigating frequent anxiety) feeling like the image to the right; unsure of how to take the hand being extended so we look the other way instead.
As someone who is attempting to support a loved one going through a difficult time or support a loved one attempting to honor a grief journey, you may be thinking “Well, what should I be saying instead? I don’t know what they’re in need of!” You are absolutely right and guess what? Chances are, the loved one(s) you’re supporting probably doesn’t have a strong idea of what they’re in need of either.
SEE: An acronym for mental health support that actually helps
In attempts to overcome the obstacle described above, I developed an acronym to utilize as a tool when offering support. The acronym of SEE will let the individual you’re supporting know you truly see them and what they’re going through; recognizing they may not be in a position to tell you what they need but are still wanting support. When you SEE those you are supporting you:
S = Suggest a specific offering
E = Eliminate any planning on their end
E = Explore their comfort around the proposed offer
In execution, SEE may sound/look like —> “I understand making meals is possibly a challenging task right now. I would love to make a meal for you/your family (here you are suggesting a specific offering) and deliver it on Wednesday evening at 6:30pm (by providing an exact day and time, you are eliminating planning on their end). Would that work for you? (Checking in on their comfort level around this offer)
“How do i know what offer to suggest?”
Ideally, the individual you’re supporting would be able to communicate to you what they’re in need of. However, when navigating a big life transition it can be difficult to know exactly what would help the process. In situations such as these, you may pinpoint what offers to suggest through:
Ask - I know, I may sound like I’m contradicting myself but hang with me for a second. While the individual you’re supporting may not know what they need, I still encourage those who are supporting loved ones going through a tough time to ask the individual what they need. They may surprise you; they may know exactly what they need and we don’t want to take the opportunity of being able to communicate their needs away from them. One of the biggest mistakes made when supporting a loved one is assuming we know what they would benefit from or what they need. Approaching the situation in this way, removes the possibility of making this mistake. Asking your loved one what they need may sound like, “How can I best support you?” or you may want to ask a more specific/directed question such as, “what task is bringing you the most stress right now?” or “if you could have someone help you with one stressor right now, what would that stressor be?” If they do not have answers to these questions, then I would encourage you to explore and utilize the following options.
Observation - what are you noticing in their surrounding(s) when you’re with them that they’re missing/lacking or feeling overwhelmed by; such as completing everyday tasks like laundry or dishes.
Utilize your resources - i.e. connect with other people in their support system such as family members and friends; ask what they’ve noticed the individual might want assistance around.
Regardless of what your loved one is navigating and how you are attempting to support them, I hope the acronym of SEE provides you with tools to effectively see the ones you are supporting; encouraging them to navigate the loss, anxiety, life transition, etc. in a way that feels true to them.
Here’s to living a better life as your best self!
Brittany Squillace, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Grief Therapist
