A Guide to Setting Boundaries: Improve Your Mental Health Talk
Discussing mental health battles can be a challenging and vulnerable experience. In a previous blog article, I discussed the two obstacles getting in the way of talking about mental health. In labeling those, I also highlighted one of the tools you can utilize to help navigate those obstacles; setting healthy boundaries around how people talk with you about a diagnosis, or any sort of mental health battle you might be navigating, can help improve and/or eliminate these obstacles.
However, this is an experience that is “easier said than done”. I get it and I’ve got you! I’m here to provide you with a guide on how to set boundaries with others you are discussing mental health with to ensure it’s done in a way that feels safe and supportive to you.
***Please keep in mind, this guide is vague intentionally! This will allow you to easily adapt the guide to fit your situation.
Steps of the boundary guide
Let’s dive right into the 4 steps to help you begin identifying and establishing effective boundaries:
Identify where you want and/or need boundaries set: it’s hard to even begin setting boundaries if you’re unsure of where you want or need them established. Not sure where you want or need them? Ask yourself, “what have I not appreciated (or hasn’t been helpful) hearing from others when talking about my mental health?” or “what have others said to me that has been really helpful and insightful?”
Identify how you want to communicate and set the boundary: establishing boundaries is tricky for many reasons; one of them being it’s not uncommon to be uncertain on what to say when setting the boundary. In situations like these, I encourage clients (and I will invite you to do the same) to think about how they may communicate the boundary and then “rehearse” stating the boundary; allowing you to feel more confident in your stance.
Communicate the identified boundary: once you know what you want to communicate, you’ve “rehearsed” and feel confident, it’s time to share that boundary with the individual(s).
Follow through: don’t be surprised if your boundary gets challenged. It may be heard and respected right away however, if it’s not, don’t be afraid to repeat the boundary until it’s heard and respected. ***Hint: within step 3, it may be worth also preparing responses to any possible challenge or kickback you may get.
Boundary Guide: Things to remember!
As I mentioned, setting boundaries can be a tricky task. Here are a few reminders as you utilize the guide above:
You do not need to justify why you’re setting a boundary: especially if you find your boundaries are being challenged when attempting to establish them, it may leave you feeling like you have to justify why you’re setting the boundary. A great way to reframe a justification is to simply state, “this is what I’m needing. Are you able to respect that?” (This pertains to ANY boundary you’re setting; regardless of why you’re establishing the boundary)
Setting boundaries and being a good, caring, loving person can co-exist: a big obstacle to boundary setting is the fear of being perceived as rude or mean. The narrative around this often sounds like, “how can I be a good person and attend to others’ needs while also setting boundaries?” This idea falls under the classic saying heard while growing up; “treat others how you want to be treated.” You are kind and caring to others, right? So let’s do the same for yourself via setting boundaries allowing you to continue having healthy and effective relationships/conversations.
Boundaries can be flexible: as long as YOU determine when and how you want them to be flexed. The boundary you establish today may not be a necessary boundary later on. That is okay! These boundaries can change…as long as YOU are the one identifying when, why and how they can be/need to be changed.
You’ve got this! I know at times it may feel like you don’t but I want you to carry this reminder with you!
Boundary setting is challenging and it is one of the most effective things you can do to encourage healthy and effective interactions; leading to positive healthy relationships. I hope the guide above leaves you with a higher sense of willingness to approach boundaries and confidence in your ability to establish whatever boundaries are needed. If you’d like guidance throughout your process of identifying and establishing boundaries, click below for your free 15 minute consultation to learn more on how I can help you.
Here’s to living a better life as your best self.
Brittany Squillace, MA, LMFT
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Grief Therapist
